Ep17 Why I Changed Everything: From Psychedelic Source to Inner Source (And What It Means for Your Journey)

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  0:00  
And that's always where I started here in this conversation, was about empowering the listener in community and in relationship to be well sourced, well resourced, well well connected, and realizing that so much of my work, when I work with people or in small groups or with businesses, I'm connecting them to alignment within in order to do work externally. 

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  0:21  
Welcome to inner source. I'm Dr Sandra Dreisbach. Whether you're just beginning to explore your inner landscape or you've been doing this work for years and understand that transformation is a lifelong journey. This is your space. We're diving into real conversations about personal growth, Shadow Work and what it actually takes to create lasting change from the inside out. Because the truth, your most powerful healing tool isn't out there somewhere, it's already within you. Let's connect to that inner source together,

Speaker 1  0:59  
the information shared on this podcast, our website and other platforms may be triggering for some viewers and readers and is for informational, educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical, legal or therapeutic advice. While we explore topics related to altered states of consciousness, we do not endorse or encourage illegal activities or substance use. Always research your local laws and consult qualified professionals for guidance. The content provided is as is, liable for any actions taken based on the information shared. Stay supported and informed. Act responsibly and enjoy the podcast. 

Jason Croft  1:28  
Welcome everyone to inner source that's right. No longer psychedelics, that's right. And I am also jumping in and taking over for this one episode a little bit. Yes, I need it. You know, I need accountability. You know,

Jason Croft  1:47  
she had me on her show in the in the hot seat. Now she's in the hot seat. Yes, both to talk through this explanation of the Show, name change and what led to that, and it's a lot of behind the scenes that led to this change, and we both thought this would be fantastic and a great format to do it in. So Sandra, how's it going? 

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  2:12  
Well, it's been a transformative time. I mean, I guess that's what, what when you really lean into times of transformation, and when we have moments, I think also as a community, as a collective, I think we, we are all going through that, that transformative time and and for me, it's, it's been reflected in this program, in this podcast, and taking a real conscious break from doing episodes and to really think About and revisit, you know, what? What is my intention with this? What is my intention with this work,

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  2:46  
which is part of what, what led to the name change?

Jason Croft  2:51  
Yeah, and I think it's, it's very fitting. So there's a, there's a piece to this, as as you and I dug in to, you know, picking this back up, jumping back in on the other side of that transformational time for you. And we started talking through,

Jason Croft  3:09  
certainly the name change, but also the focus that you have in life. And it's not a

Jason Croft  3:18  
leaving of the psychedelic space, the ethics space, it's quite the opposite. It's the expanding, the evolution of that.

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  3:27  
 I think, any creative project, anything that we really pursue, at least in my perspective, it's a reflection of who you are and what you're experiencing. And

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  3:38  
I'm still committed to ethics. You know, obviously I still have a PhD in ethics, ethical decision making and moral psychology. I still am committed to the psychedelic space and helping to create safer and more supported containers so that everyone gets a safe and supported space as best as possible. But I've also recognized that my work is actually beyond that and

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  4:07  
and that sense of source as I've come to understand it, and how I've come into greater integrity, has come from connecting within that, that inner source, that interconnection, that inner resourcing, that inner alignment, which for me, isn't just about connecting to whatever you may define as a higher power, or connecting to you know, the earth, or whatever resources you and supports you, but also that That sense of where do you go within to receive

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  4:44  
alignment and guidance? How do you discern? How do you make decisions? And given that I've had this ethics and values background for me, I go and I connect and I start reflecting. And when I go into transformational times, I start asking.

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  5:00  
Asking questions about my values and and my why and my purpose and my reason, and what's really important to me, and am I in alignment with those things,

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  5:10  
both just in terms of, like, idea conception, not just mentally, though. It's also an emotional felt sense. I don't know how much this has been talked about on this show, but I really think about wellness in terms of not just physical health, but also mental health, emotional health and and spiritual sense

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  5:30  
well being. You know, for me, spiritually isn't just about, you know, that sort of higher power, that inner source or higher source, but also that sense of deeper meaning and alignment and value.

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  5:45  
So So for me, spiritual encompasses that, and perhaps that's in part because of my training and philosophy, but I think it's also just true that we all have these aspects of ourselves. It's it's not just one part that's driving our mission in life and what we're doing and as I also value so much about transparency and about my own challenges, I realized that a lot of the patterns I was noticing in facilitators and in people who tended to be harmed in The psychedelic space had similar issues that I had, which revolved around codependency, and it's not something I've talked too much about, but it's something I've been dealing with since I became aware of it, maybe around 19, when I first started seeking Help and Support around it

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  6:39  
and and realizing that

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  6:43  
as I try and turn my work into supporting and healing, not just myself, but also in community and in relationship and in the psychedelic space, I had to go, in some sense, to the source of that

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  6:58  
and to really look At at that part of me and and healed that part because, I mean, I literally got to a place of bankruptcy doing this work. And, yeah, part of that had to do with what's happening in the psychedelic space and and how well we're able as an industry, if we call it an industry or a community, in resourcing the services and supports that need to be there to have a healthy, supportive ecosystem, a non toxic one,

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  7:28  
and non toxic relationships actually healthy, flourishing, as I said, ecosystem of relationships, which is something I've definitely talked About,

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  7:39  
that I need to reflect that in my work and and that now I feel like I've come into greater alignment with myself, and I'm able to speak to that better

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  7:52  
as as inner source in this conversation and reach out to more people in community, you know, with, you know, With the still having my psychedelic background, but also expanding out, like recognizing why was I even driven to, to try and support this space in the first place?

Jason Croft  8:11  
Yeah, and there's, again, it's that expansion both the

Jason Croft  8:19  
psychedelic space and certainly your involvement in a lot of it, and so many people's involvement in it,

Jason Croft  8:27  
is a path of

Jason Croft  8:30  
doing this work, this bigger, more evolved level of work, but it's one path. I think that's the big differentiator now, both on this show, who you will be speaking to and what you'll be talking about, but also

Jason Croft  8:46  
your work outside of the show, you're helping people in such a bigger way, just more more tools in the tool belt, if you will. And that's the thing. It's like, you know, like even when I was teaching ethics classes at UC Santa Cruz and other places, you know, I'm like, Look, I'm not making you ethical.

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  9:06  
I'm giving you tools and skills for discernment to empower you and and that's always where I started here in this in this conversation was about empowering the listener,

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  9:17  
empowering each other in community and in relationship, to be well sourced, well resourced, well well connected and supported with with knowledge, wisdom, community and and realizing that so much of my work, when I work with people or in in small groups or with businesses, I'm connecting them to to alignment within, in order to do work externally, you know, as that sort of hermetic principle, as within, so without, as above, so below. It really, as you do that inner work, it will be reflected outwards and and sometimes, I think our society encourages so much externalization of our problems. And.

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  10:00  
Looking outwards for solutions versus inward solutions to help create that external change and and we really are in a powerful time of change right now, and I think it's important for all of us to step and step up in bigger ways and be willing to have a bigger impact on each other to create the supports that really need to be in there. And so that's also part of it too. It wasn't just about what was happening for me. It was also what I was seeing in the world and and knowing that we're all being called to to greater empowerment, both personally and in community and in relationship, that truth shows up in so many different ways of

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  10:45  
Well, the fact that

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  10:47  
that's the most control that you have is the inner work, that's right. And what you can do look at the control, yeah,

Jason Croft  10:57  
yeah. And

Jason Croft  10:59  
if you haven't experienced it. It's an amazing thing when you make a change within yourself, and that

Jason Croft  11:08  
shows up in the outside world in this way, in that way.

Jason Croft  11:11  
It's it's just something that happens however we're all connected. 

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  11:17  
It's like that stone that gets thrown into the water that ripples out, and it really is true, and I really believe in that, and I've seen it, and I've witnessed it, and I've experienced it, and I'm, I'm firmly grounded in that, that concept that, you know, we we can become the change we want to see in the world, and and also, even just in terms of, like, Well, how do you know what To change in the world? How do you know what's, what's, what's best for you and for others, at least in terms of your experience or what's what your inner source? You know, your inner alignment, your inner guidance, your inner attunement, and discernment how you're you have to be coming from an empowered place, from from a place where you know what you value, right? So that you know when something is is off, when you see someone being harmed or displaced from their community unjustly, right? It's because you already have an understanding of what, what that is, and the more conscious awareness we can bring to that, that inner source of guidance, then we actually empower ourselves and empower our actions more and, and I've also done some new new pieces as I've extended and realized, like, what parts of my work weren't reaching people, right? Why? What parts weren't communicating and, and I definitely didn't have a sales and marketing mindset, or even

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  12:45  
a money earning or money receiving mindset, and it's not because I don't feel like I deserve those things and they don't deserve to reach out and that these messages aren't valuable. It's it was part of my own healing process, and also understanding that we're deeply receiving we're able to give more. So if I really wanted to have, let's say, multiple generations of impact that are positive towards, you know, conscious integrity, inner resourcing, empowerment, where we respect one another and hold space one another and and support one another and love one another, really, that I needed to be willing to expand further, but to expand further I needed more resources.

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  13:30  
I'm like, Well, that makes sense. You know, I didn't really, wasn't really thinking about that part of the equation very consciously, like, I'm just like, Okay, I'm just gonna stand alone, just gonna do my thing without paying attention to how, ironically, even though I was talking about all this stuff about source like, I needed a lot more connection and resourcing, and dive even deeper into my inner resourcing, not just in terms of being able to have that that impact In the world and and create that positive change, but also recognizing that all of us need to shine brighter right now and and that and not be afraid of our own power and and be and not be afraid of resourcing ourselves and and making sure that we understand that we're worthy of that level of resourcing

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  14:24  
that then it was all these healers, givers, facilitators, that were the ones that were least likely to resource themselves and have the most inhibitions about, you know, asking for funds or receiving money and or seeing it as a spiritual harm, or something like that, or that,

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  14:46  
you know, all those sort of ideas. And I'm like, Oh, this is, this is a systemic issue. It's not just

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  14:52  
it's not just me, it's not just my community. It's not, you know, this is what, this is the sort of toxic mindset.

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  15:00  
That we've we've in some way, given ourselves over time that needs to be healed and transformed. So as I was creating these transformative tools, like I created the there's this oracle deck, which you can see another podcast on that.

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  15:15  
And through my own transformation, I created a new book, which is dancing at the Edge of Darkness, your personal journey, for inner transformation and change. And it's using those cards and helping people lean even deeper to that transformation. None of this stuff mentions psychedelics. Psychedelics are not required for this transformation. I think that's also was important to me too in terms of this name change, was that

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  15:42  
you can connect within and create the transformation in your life if you're willing to do that work and

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  15:53  
nurture your own

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  15:57  
inner source.

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  15:59  
And there's lots of different routes. Yes, some of them include psychedelics as a possibility. But most of my my transformation work, most of my healing work, wasn't actually through psychedelics. It was through, you know, doing like the exercises in the book involve expressive writing or therapeutic writing, is another way of referring to the practice journaling. Some people talk about it, but it's like a very intentional process. It's more angled towards looking at those those places, and just asking those questions and reflecting, just like I did in in philosophy, asking the questions, reflecting on it, writing on it, looking at other people's perspectives, reflecting on it, revisiting it, reviewing it right,

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  16:45  
and then connecting and talking with people about it, which has definitely been a part of it. My my work, doing speech and debate for many, many years, and training and ethics,

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  16:56  
debate team, where we You didn't have to disagree, you could actually discuss and come to agreement, but with different perspectives. All of this, I've started to see all the connections between all of my work to to getting to this, this piece, where I'm at now, that that helping people get to that inner source, that inner alignment,

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  17:18  
however, the path that they have chosen, that we all deserve to be safe and supported in that practice and have multiple tools at our disposal and hearing from people in community, which is what the show has been about. But I also realized I could be sharing more about my personal experience and different things that I've been doing along the way. I've worked on having transparency by sharing the people who I work with, but

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  17:43  
not not talking as much about, you know, what my process has been, and how I've gone through different transformations. And it's not that I'm like the ultimate model or anything like that. I'm just one, right? That that sometimes it helps to see

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  17:58  
someone go through similar challenges, or even if they're they're not the same. There's, there's something that connects us in our humanness, in in how we work through and transform and heal ourselves and empower ourselves, not just through like PTSD or traumas, you know, trying to heal, heal like

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  18:21  
challenging experiences, but also the challenging experience of just becoming, of being the highest expressions of ourselves, like that golden shadow.

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  18:31  
And some of this led me to do the the new, the new thing I started offering around shadow work and how to hold space for shadow work better, and how to support people through that. But overall, I'm I'm still focusing and holding space for the people I was holding space for before, but I'm expanding further to include a larger perspective, a larger community

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  18:56  
and and recognizing that that's how we're going to have

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  19:01  
the healing and the impact and the empowerment we really want in ourselves and in our world to create really more peace and love and light, like all the things.

Jason Croft  19:11  
Yeah, absolutely. And

Jason Croft  19:15  
this brings up a great point in all of this to to

Jason Croft  19:19  
almost answer a question. It's

Jason Croft  19:23  
when you talk about this inner work,

Jason Croft  19:26  
and folks may be new to it, or they've been going down this road and trying to do some of that in the past. I know that feeling that comes up

Jason Croft  19:38  
because, you know, we do. We try to put things in buckets and just like, okay, so don't do anything outside of myself. Sit in a room and just, you know, and we try to get so black and white, but it is this dance, and it's the prioritization and to really

Jason Croft  19:58  
trust yourself and you're going.

Jason Croft  20:00  
Trust yourself more over time, as you do more of this work, and in that gut feeling, in that you know what, I don't know what it is, but I'm just drawn to this person or this resource, and that's the path to go down, rather than starting from. Somebody tell me where to go. Somebody tell me what to do, to do, and all of this. And that's the dance. You kind of jump out. You get this little resource. Oh, wow, that's a that's a great process to go through and find some of those foundational elements to what do I believe? What do I want to achieve in this world, and then you kind of jump out, Oh, I see I'm kind of missing something tangible in this area. Let me jump out and grab that, come back in and and I want to be purposeful and call that out for folks of

Jason Croft  20:57  
that that's included in what we're talking about when we talk about this inner source and trusting yourself absolutely, because we all have, you know, we all have our own dance,

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  21:08  
right? We have, you know, a song within us that we need to connect to that's only going to come through, through you as the medium for that, that message that and we all have our strengths and our weaknesses. I told my kids that for a long time, you know, mainly as a way to kind of understand, you know, what some people might consider dysfunction is, is another way you may have a higher function in another place, right? That we all have strengths and weaknesses. Someone else may be more physically adept, whereas you may be more emotionally adept, or you may be more mentally adept, but may have challenge with, you know, dyslexia, or maybe you have really good strengths in terms of, like, I have a lot of strengths in terms of building relationship, but and, and that includes inner relationship and inner guidance. And someone else you know may have a better job at organizing and structuring like that hasn't been my strength. And through listening to that, that inner dance, that inner song, and connecting to it, and realizing that, you know, it is sort of like pieces of the puzzle, and learning the steps slowly that if we rely too much externally from ourselves, you know, in terms of like, you abandon that inner voice, that inner listening,

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  22:31  
that that's not where we want to go, and we also don't want to go so extremely opposite way, where We're we're only, you know, we're cutting out external feedback and information, right? If you like, you look at the roots of the tree that we actually have on the image of for the show for inner source, it's, it's, it's, it's a breathing, living, connected, rooted system of connections. And so it's like, just like you breathe in the air from the outside and bring it in, you also breathe out and exceed like, and just like the roots of a tree can bring in the resources to within it to help resource it water, nourishment, right? Also

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  23:16  
grounded strength, but it also uses those resources to help grow up and out and expand and and also give back and eventually it it bears fruit

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  23:28  
and and the more that each of us are connected to our inner source

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  23:35  
and have that alignment, we have more to Give. It doesn't take away from other people, and especially if you're not cutting off either the receiving or the giving. It's, it's a balance that's that's part of why the sort of ecosystem concept has always really spoken to me as a way to kind of help us bridge this idea that, you know, not outside of that all or nothing, or that fixed black and white mindset that you're saying, right? And it's not even, not even Gray, there's still a distinctness. There still is a sense of me and the sense of you, but we're also there's a sense that we're connected and we're working together

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  24:15  
and not being lost in one or the other, but but doing in collaborative, conscious relationship, not not competition, but so that we all are more flourishing and more abundant through the working with ourselves and working with one another. Wonderfully. Said,

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  24:35  
I'm excited for this evolution of the show that you're jumping back in and you already have some interviews. Yes, I do. There's always some in the back and that I've had to wait, you know, because of my own transformation process and and I also, like, I'm really grateful that I took the time. I think there's a temptation, especially in our sort of culture where, like so much, social media and everything is like, deliver every.

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  25:00  
Week, do everything this like, you know it's like, or even every day, depending upon what you're doing and and we're not as supported in taking that time to support ourselves or to rethink or reflect. And I think

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  25:16  
as we come more in alignment

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  25:19  
that will allow more space for that, that we're not machines. You know, I as someone who's worked in tech at Apple, you know, for many years.

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  25:30  
You know, I feel like, you know, like with AI and other things too. It's like, it's about finding that right relationship. We will never be able to to out

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  25:40  
sustain a chat GPT, like response mechanism, because we need rest.

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  25:50  
Yeah, a tree isn't trying to bloom all year. You know, I don't know why we think we should be having that sort of, I think that's sort of part of how we got into it. A less sustainable, even if I don't say the word toxic, a less sustainable way of being. And so even just taking the time to stop, rethink and allow myself permission to change the name, to shift, to pivot,

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  26:15  
to grow, to evolve, like maybe the name will change again. I don't. I don't know. I didn't think it was going to change. It all the first time. You know, but we need to give ourselves space for that, for ourselves to grow and change and shift and and not feel stuck or have that fixed mindset versus a growth mindset where we're allowed to shift and change and grow and evolve. So expect, you know, this podcast, to shift and grow and evolve as I shift and grow and evolve, and as the community and as society grows and evolve and as our needs evolve. And I think that's appropriate, you know, I think it's inappropriate to not

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  26:52  
to not do that reflection, to not stop and reflect. And I'm not saying other people aren't I'm just saying I'm willing to let you know my edges be shown a little bit more. And not everyone has the capacity to do that, but I just always been, been more prone to that

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  27:10  
because I enjoy sharing my journey with people and and I'm grateful for anyone who's who's on this journey with me and and looking to connect to their inner source and dance the dance that's theirs alone, but also the dance that they can learn to dance with me and and with with everyone here and as things continue to grow.

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  27:37  
Yeah, I'm excited. I'm excited to see where, where you take this? Me too. Let's see. It's a mystery, right? Little bit, little bit. I mean, like, you know, just, I mean, does anyone know what's really going to happen tomorrow?

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  27:50  
You don't, you know, and that's just one day or even an hour from now.

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  27:55  
It's like that, that joke, you know, if you want to make God laugh, you know, tell him what your plans are, right? There's a real, deep truth to that, a real humility.

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  28:05  
And I also appreciate other I've learned so much from other philosophies in the world, and I continue to learn from other cultures and other communities, including from my own communities of origin, that, you know, I was cut off from for, you know, because colonialization and stuff like that, and like, what does it look like for me to colonize myself? Like, that's a process,

Unknown Speaker  28:28  
but,

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  28:29  
but in that sense of, you know, fall down seven times, stand up eight that one's an adage that's that's stuck with me for a while. I believe it's a Japanese proverb and, and and I definitely have had that experience in my growth and evolution, both personally, but also professionally, and especially if you decide to take on a job where transformation is what we do. Part of the beauty of it is that

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  28:56  
it does get easier with practice, because you know, that it's just, it's a moment, it's a it's a period and

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  29:09  
and it's okay, you know, to to change your strategy, right? I think that's really what, in some ways, you could argue that this is right, that my vision hasn't changed. It's, it's changing the strategy to how to get there, and to think that we're going to have the right strategy out of the box, you know,

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  29:33  
is, is kind of ridiculous. And it's also, you know, not very humble. I

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  29:38  
remember working when I worked with, I'll give a shout out. I don't know whether, whether market is in. Unless is that he's one of my colleagues when I did bioethics, because he was my co teacher from Biomolecular Engineering, and he worked on some amazing technology for DNA sequencing.

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  29:53  
And he would always tell students about like, you know, you should have three different possibilities, three different theses.

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  30:00  
About how you should approach the problem, or what the solution is when you're approaching science. And to me, I see that it's like, you know, three different theories, three different strategies and and really, I've talked to others, and they're like, no, really should have probably expect to go through like, at least five or six, maybe seven strategies before you find the right one. So now, when I think of fall down seven times, stand up eight, it's like, you know, understand that this is

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  30:27  
a learning, transformative process and and be willing to have those times where you need to stop and take time and

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  30:38  
even

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  30:40  
and then actually, in the book,

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  30:43  
the dancing at the Edge of Darkness, I there's this part where I say, like you're not broken you've just broken open.

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  30:51  
And if you think about a seed that's just starting to root,

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  30:56  
it's the seed has to break open in order to be able to grow. And perhaps the first psychedelic source phase was, was the breaking open of the seed. And now we're creating deeper roots to grow, to go further. I can only imagine what it what must be like for that, that little acorn, to become an oak.

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  31:19  
The Acorn doesn't look at all like the beautiful, ancient oak, but it took, it took time to get there. But then it's, it's creates, you know, hundreds, if not 1000s of of acorns that it's able to plant afterwards. And that sort of abundance requires that, that breaking open and that transformation. So I hope, by changing the name too, that that people can also connect even more to the idea of of growth transformation, and that sense of what it really means to find that that inner source fantastic. 

Jason Croft  31:56  
 I hope that as well. And I hope you all join us and spread the word for this and see this next phase of the journey. Yeah, yeah. Thank you. 

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  32:06  
Thank you, Jason, for taking the time, and thank you for any listeners out there who are continuing on the journey and keeping the faith as it were, and hope I take you all with me, but if not, I hope you grow and learn to dance your dance. Thanks for being here with me today. If this resonated with you, subscribe wherever you listen and share it with someone else on their journey. And if you're ready to go deeper, take the free inner source assessment at inner source podcast.com it'll help you discover exactly what kind of inner work you need right now and where to start until next time, remember that everything you're searching for is already within you.