Ep27 Dr. Sandra Dreisbach—Three Years, One Oracle Deck, and Becoming All of Me

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  0:00  
Both of these pieces, including this work here in this podcast, has been trying to translate the things that I have learned on my journey to help you and yours. It's definitely never been about being perfect. It's that inner calling that keeps calling you back. Welcome to Inner Source. I'm Dr. Sandra Drysbach. Whether you're just beginning to explore your inner landscape, or you've been doing this work for years and understand that transformation is a lifelong journey, this is your space. We're diving into real conversations about personal growth, shadow work, and what it actually takes to create lasting change from the inside out, because the truth, your most powerful healing tool, isn't out there somewhere. It's already within you. Let's connect to that inner source together. The

Speaker 1  0:56  
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Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  1:27  
Well, today on Inner Source, I thought it was a good time to share both. I guess you could say a boon, a bounty, a harvest that I've been working on so many little projects, but this particular passion project I have been sharing with you all as a part of Inner Source, and that is the Thirsis Oracle Deck. If you can recall, you have probably heard if, or you can go back to the podcast episode where the artist Brandon Singletary and I are talking about our journey in creating the deck that was right before we launched a Kickstarter that did not did not succeed, and and I'll come back to that because I think we may actually do a relaunch, but it just shows you that you know when you're climbing these sort of inner mountains, you never know where where you're going to go and what the journey really is going to look like. Instead of a challenge, think of it as an adventure, right? And you also have heard the story talking about the creation of the what's currently a digital book, "Dancing at the Edge of Darkness, with with A B, who helped me to co-create and write that book. It's like a therapeutic journey experience book, but may not have been made clear enough that the images from the Thirsis deck are also in that book, and and in some ways it struck me as kind of funny or odd that the the book ended up becoming available digitally to the public before even the deck was available, but that's where the journey took me. If if you've listened to the the thersis oracle decoration story and and me talking about how a lot of the images and things, but it's all very much tied to my own personal journey, my own personal spiritual journey, and and I want to share that a little bit more with you here today too, because it's wonderful and easy in some ways, challenging in other ways to present myself as primarily an ethicist, Because I do have an MA PhD in philosophy focused on ethics, ethical decision making, and moral psychology that I have applied most recently in the area of psychedelics and consciousness ethics, which originally brought me here, my passion, you know, as a leader of community, leader of Epic Ethical Psychedelic International Community, which I'm still involved with, primarily Sam and I, which I guess is there's another great announcement with that too. If anybody just throw it in here, like Epic is now daring to explore more paid work, whereas previously we were we were just a volunteer organization, but but it was challenging to sustain our mission and. And there's no real separation from one's inner journey to one's outer journey. There's this illusion that that they are different, you know. Especially in the the world events right now, where externally it can seem very chaotic and challenging at times, but journeying within can be just as challenging, but and and there and there can be things that come up there, the shadows that arise. But it's more challenging to be able to demonstrate that inner journey, that inner discovery process-it's easier in the world right now. I would say still, at least perception for me, to be able to embrace and to call myself, you know, Dr. Sander Drysbach with the with the PhD in ethics and to do the The ethics work. It's easy for people to accept that and to see that in sort of like the mainstream. But I've always, at the same time, been pursuing my spiritual path. And what was exciting for me when I started doing more of this work in psychedelic and consciousness ethics was that I felt I was able to bring, you know, all of me to the story, which is also what inspired me to change psychedelic source to inner source. Is it was I felt a truer reflection of that. What really does inspire me is that inner journey, that inner source, that inner connection, and to try and both heal, align, and support people in those inner journey alignments, right? That that that conscious integrity, and actually in my my other business, conscious integrity, which you may have heard me talk about, that in part was my effort to show what I'm really after, right?

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  7:06  
Sometimes I think in in psychedelic work, people are seeking healing, but there's not as clear of an idea or concept or heart alignment around what are they actually going towards? What what are you really seeking? I mean, sometimes it can be as simple as like we're seeking relief, you know, a relief of a pain, a burden, a depression, a sadness. What what some may even call a mental illness, or or disturbance, or or spiritual emergence. At the end of the day, you know we want conscious integrity, and and not just integrity in the sense of being an ethical person. That we want to be in alignment with our highest calling, with being our best selves, living a life we love and inspires us and brings us joy, and being safe and supported in that process, being in communities and collaborations that not only respect us as individuals or as members within a community, but actually actively collaborates with us, creates ecosystems of support and and alignment. That by being in relationship, we're made better. Right, we're put more on our path, which makes me want to wax philosophical about: Are you ever really off your path? And I'm like, I'm going to say, like, no, you're never really off your path. Even if it seems like you're off your path, you're really on your path, right? Like, it's sometimes it's it's the stumbles that actually are the most supportive. Those ruptures that lead to repair, that lead you to find the path that's actually sustainable in Tarot, like when when the tower card appears, right? It's it's it's that you're actually things are falling apart because you were building off of a foundation that didn't really support you. So the fact that it falls apart is actually a good thing, and and I've tried to take this personal inner source journey and and bring you along for the ride. That as inner source podcast grows and evolves with me and with you as a community. We we all discover hopefully better parts of ourselves, and that's why it was so important for me to to continue to share pieces of my inner journey. And my relationships with others, as well as you know, people who inspire me along the way, because as challenging as it can be to try and publicly show that inner source, it is well worth not only the the journey with the challenges and the and the adventure within, but to be more transparent about the fact that it is not, it is never a straight line. It is more of a spiral, like all of life, like these growth cycles, you the seed has to rupture in order for and and it starts underground in order for it to sprout and to come above ground and to grow in greater light, and even the sprout has to to totally change its form in order to be able to become the plant, and then again, it has flowers, and the flowers like that growth, change, and evolution, and then even the death and rebirth cycle, and and this is part of what relationship and connection to nature and spirit has brought me, and and I know I'm. I know I'm going to talk about the thers' oracle some more, but but I'm trying to to see if I can meander my way in my little spiral way of speaking. This is not a structured talk. I know how to do structured talks. That's not what this is. Through my own journey, inner journey, my inner source that has led me to create the Thirsis Oracle deck through the the tower that hit when the Kickstarter did not succeed. It allowed me to see that wait, maybe I need a way to help people facilitate them on the journey of working with these images and cards, and that's it. Was from that inspiration from that place to help support people in a healing, transformative journey that led to dancing at the edge of darkness. It's it's primarily not about it's not about me. It's not a personal story. It's not about you know psychedelic ethics or conscious ethics per se. It's both of these pieces, including this work here in this podcast, has been trying to translate the things that I have learned on my journey to help you and yours. If it's just by example, there's no just by example.

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  12:43  
Like to see, like you know, learn from my mistakes. It's definitely never been about being perfect. It's that inner calling that keeps calling you back to your joy, to your highest expression of self, to that inner alignment, to that conscious integrity, and that's what really inspires me in this work. It's always inspired me, and the more I integrate, the more that I reflect on on all of my journey. I I will share like I I had in the little break that I've had. I mean, not really break up and working, but like I turned 53, and I keep joking. I'm in my am I in my wisdom, my elder era now, and and I think that's a point where we really need to ask ourselves what what have we learned? You know, it's a it is a natural life cycle of integration, and I hope by joining me in any small part on this podcast journey, that you're empowered to find more of those inner resources and more of the things that help people on their path. So, so now let me talk more about the deck and the things that are more challenging for me to talk about. What's more challenging for me to talk about is my intuitive development, my work with energy, and my healing practices. Some might even call them shamanistic. I don't identify that way, but my journey has been a part of reflection of colonialization of the Western world, and so part of this journey for me, and and I is has been a decolonization journey beyond just indigenous literacy, and that's a harder thing to capture, and that's a harder thing to to express because it's very personal, right? Doesn't mean I can't talk about it. I obviously, you know, I think what you're also witnessing along this path is is that as well. It's been a very conscious effort, like connecting to my ancestry. Like my 12th great grandfather Robert the Bruce, which like that you know just having those ancestral connections and relationships and like what was or is you know like connecting to more Celtic shamanistic traditions from my lineage, while still being true to the relationships that I was exposed to growing up, how I found my path through literally colonized origins, and I think that I think that's worth saying. You know that, I mean, you know, I grew up in California, and reconnecting to my my birthplace and the the the land and the apu's of my birth, and learning in relationship with you you know Quiro and different Peruvian shaman, and and I've trained in multiple energy lineages. One could argue that I'm I'm mainly just doing a sort of philosopher's adventure and doing a sample. I know that's maybe that's my own inner critic speaking there, because like sometimes I'm just like, oh, you know, why am I not just in like one tradition? Why am I why am I being led to different energy traditions and and one after the other after the other? And everyone's journey is different, but I think it's just it's part because we have different callings and different things that bring us joy, and I've always loved all the cultures, all the religions, all the all the the beauty and the alignment and connection to source, however we find it. And philosophy made sense because of that. I'm basically I'm trying to stumble my way into like like how do I communicate in some small part, like why this pivot is important, and why I think it's important for more of us to talk about these spiritual aspects of self. I think through my journey through becoming more and more decolonized to to more indigenous literacy, both through my own traditions historically that I'm disconnected from. You know, I mean, in terms of lineage, and finding new paths forward. That's that's what all of us need to do in the Western world, I should say. That's credit. That's that's my opinion. You can come up with your own decision on that, but I can only tell you that it's it's only enriched my life and grounded me even deeper into more of who I am. It's not created disconnection.

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  17:57  
It's never going to change the knowledge and pathways that I had that I grew up with, but it does transform my relationship with them and to them and to myself, and in relationship to my world, and the things that are more salient at the very least. But the beauty and the joy and the love is is exquisite. And when I worked on the deck, it was at first I felt a calling to to bring out from within me what what are the symbols and the metaphors and the stories that I've needed to help bring me into an alignment, and how can I also connect others, you know, to help people in this psychedelic and consciousness ethics work, but also literally my spiritual healing work to help people come into greater conscious integrity, to come into greater alignment with both the shadow and the light aspects of of self, and without delving too deeply into it, the the deck and and the journey and what it's done for me spiritually, and what it's done for me to help me to come into greater alignment. It's I can't. It's. It's so ultimately personal. You're. I won't be able to fully convey. But I wanted to create something from that that would help others to do those journeys, to do those adventures, to connect. With the mythos and the metaphors that speak to, oh, I mean, hopefully, all of us. But at the at the bare minimum, I hope that those who are trying to seek to, you know, literally decolonize their mind and come into greater relationship can hopefully use this as a bridge, a metaphorical bridge. The none of the images, in particular, I mean, there's maybe a few you could say like there's a card that is called Goddess, but it's supposed to represent an archetypal form of goddess, right? The sort of divine, but it can represent whatever you want. It also has some Pandora's box leanings and things like that. But it's supposed to be that divine feminine within that that embodiment of shadow, the feminine aspects within all of us, however you identify, and they're also a sort of more masculine element. Right? Again, it's not about being male or female. It's the, and that's why it was so important to me that the figures and images in the thyrsus were not gendered, right? Because it's it's a metaphor for the inner shadow and the inner self, and the balance of masculine and feminine, or the yin and the yang, however, you know whatever metaphor you wanted to use. Even if you just use black and white and the gray, right? That trying to find that conscious and unconscious relationship and bring it into alignment and integrate a relationship. Nature is definitely used throughout and very intentionally so, because I feel like we all have a at least some universal relationship with nature. Elements like a cave or a plant growing, or fruit on the vine, these are or a rock, or a crystal. These are things that I see as more universal, archetypal metaphors. And while I love the tarot, and I've used it, and I've done readings for a long time, that I wanted the Oracle deck to help people, in particular, with uncovering these sort of universal connections. You could even say cosmic connections. That while we're all healing through these colonized relationships with even nature, or even what ourselves-I mean, you look at a tarot deck, traditional churro deck-they're-they're all white, and they're all very much a sort of Western, sort of more imperial lens of even what a king and a queen and an emperor and empress are, and this isn't. And I know there are alternative tarot decks now that have you know different depictions, different cultures, different. And I think this is a good thing for us spiritually speaking. But there are also people who have been afraid to touch any cards for spiritual reasons, and and I understand or understand to an extent the fear that arises, right? That that some of these cards and decks and things like that, maybe even the tarot specifically, would take people away from their inner alignment, and I think that's a shadow worth exploring. But so this is-I'm not going to say you know Tarot's not for everyone.

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  24:10  
I still love Tarot, and this Oracle deck isn't for everyone, and I'm not for everyone, and nothing-nothing really is for everyone. But then, in some ways, everything is for everyone. But that-that's-that's the real alignment. But I wanted to be more open now about the fact that yes, I am an oracle and tarot reader. I do do energy work. I am also, you know, I don't do the healing of people, but they I help facilitate others' healing, and that makes me a healer, right? I I am now going to start publicly offering readings for people. I have trained also in mediumship, and I've been intuitive all my life, and. And I wish I'd grown up in a world that, or a culture that recognized and embraced people who are highly sensitive, intuitive, who have a different calling. You know, it's it. I will say it's definitely challenging, but maybe I should go to a venture to transmute that a bit more. It's been a a big adventure, and I think it's a big adventure for any of us who have these sort of what some people would call non-conventional spiritual callings, simply because we're in a Western colonized world, right? And and I'm grateful that I have found people in community around the world that actually, and and you as a listener, you know, whether you fully resonate or not, you you are hearing me, who love and accept me for who I am, and and thank you for that, for allowing me to be all of me. That that I don't just have to be Dr. Sandra. I don't just have to be the ethicist that's accepted, because it's easier than accepting the parts that are are spiritual, that are intuitive. That yes, I don't I don't always see the dead people, but I do speak with dead people. I I talk to rocks. I talk to, and believe me, no one's sometimes more surprised than myself. And it's not because I don't understand logic. Trust me, I've had advanced logic, multiple courses. That was a challenging course, I will say. And I hope that me being more open and sharing about my struggle with this will help you, and I guess in a lot of ways this marks a more public transition for me to being more publicly all of me. Yes, I'm still an ethicist, But I think more of me is, you know, loves to work intuitively, loves to to help align people and bring people into conscious integrity. And yes, I can I can use the my mind all the training I've received, which I am grateful for, and I'm I'm not I think there's great value in what I have been trained in from all traditions, and if you talk and ask me questions about that, I can answer questions about that, and and I think we need to hold space more for all of us in our unfolding and what it means to be in alignment now at this time. Our society is changing, our culture is changing, the world is changing, and never has it been more important for each of us to be connected to our joy, our bliss. You know, let Joseph Campbell follow your bliss, which was came from Upanishads, right, Sachit Ananda. I won't go into that right now because he was absolutely learning from multiple traditions, and he was one of my first inspirations on this path, which I'm very grateful for. He was a bridge of the bridge of myth, especially with an AI. And it's not that I don't use AI. Absolutely do. And with what's happening in the world, you know, the the shift, and I do. I'm definitely one of those, you know, unicorn Pollyanna types that's going to say, like, you know, we are part of a an amazing awakening window right now, and. You don't have to identify with that, but I at least ask the question.

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  30:04  
And at the end of the day, that's my hope that that all of what I'm doing, whether it's through Epic, whether it's through Conscious Integrity, whether it's through Inner Source Podcast, is to support the inner transformation and alignment to your highest calling, because I firmly believe that if we each are doing our our highest calling and and are living our gifts and living our joy and living our presence, that that will lead us all to the highest Timeline, and if we all support each other in our inner journeys of transformation, and create safe environments, and supportive environments, and community environments, and collaborations, that all of us, the world, will be the world that we want to live in-a full, you know, ascension journey, a world where we see more love than hate, more joy than than pain, and more expansion and ascension than than fall. So with that, you may have even be able to see it right over here. I want to show you that there's circle deck because I cannot tell you. I didn't think it the to be able to hold this in my hands and show you this is just crazy. Me like, um, um, there are definitely times where I'm like, okay, like, am I crazy? It's okay to be a little crazy. By the way, um, some of the ones that say like, you know, got to do something least instead of like doing something difficult, do something that if she's like think is crazy, in a good way, crazy kid. This came just a couple days ago. Worked on it for I think well, it depends on you know how you interpret those things. Like in some ways in my lifetime, but diligently for the past, you know, two and a half, three years, I am. This is this is my boon that I get to share with everyone. It's it's. I don't expect it to. I will tell you that there's not huge margins on these things, so like it's not because of that, it's that for me it was important for me to bring this into the world and to share it with people. So so here's the Thirsis Oracle deck. Um, has a lovely magnet enclosure. You can see the reversal there, and this to me like this in the center is the Thirsis. I don't bring it even closer, right? And you see the shadow aspect and the self aspect in a dance, or the masculine and feminine, or the conscious and the unconscious, coming into alignment and ascension. And the thyrsus, this pine cone-like shape, is is often a representative of the pineal gland and the light, the awakening light of consciousness. So, like when we're in alignment, when we allow the flow, and it's a dance because that's why it's dancing at the edge of darkness for the the companion book, the journal journey book, is because it's it's always in motion, and so when you're in balance, it's not a balance of stillness, just like the yin yang symbol, it's it's actually spinning. It's not still. It's it's always moving. And there's one and the other. That's you know with the yin and the yang, you see the white and the black and the black and the white. That's the same thing here, right? And the staff. You can also think this is like kundalini energy coming up and going into the the third eye and into the crown chakra and above, for those who know, I'll show you the side. Here's the sign. You can see some of the cards in the back, and then I'll open it up for you guys. Here's how it opens up with your own thersis, and here's there's a special little book in here. I actually went really light on the book. You can see it's pretty it's pretty thin, and you can see it's like you'll see the cards that'll come out like this, and if you pop them out, you'll see the reversal again. I loaded the deck, so I'm not going to show you what's on on the on the bottom side. I did pull a card for today too. Here's the pack. It's so funny. It was an accident that ended up having color on the back, but it has color on the back. Everything else is black and white.

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  34:50  
But part of the reason I put light on the book, even though it has like the images, right, of the different elements. Oh, the cards, um, and each each has like a little quote of the different pieces, and um, and a reading. And actually, oh, it's so funny. Maybe not so funny, haha. But um, the card I pulled for today, and it's actually um on it here, is mountain, which is here. Let's see. Well, you can see it, and I have it here as guardian, supporter, and ally, what lies before you is achievable. You will not fully know what you need for every step. Be inspired, not to conquer, but to yield and allow the path to unfold. Slowly but surely, you will reach inner peaks. That's the curve for today. Even though I wasn't trying to do that right now, but I have a little intuitive-you call it download or insight or message-but my intention, at least, is that you come up with your own meanings and what you're receiving from them, and you don't need to have that other book, but it may help you, right? It, you know, but but consider this right now in this moment. Your invitation to go into the cave. This is the cave card. This is the card I preset. We we are in right now, actually the the first moon of the sort of cosmic lunar new year, and maybe I'll have him on. But David and Bella and the quantum planet community and alchemy community, we're going through a 13 moon journey right now, Turtle Moon, and actually the the cave is the card I pulled for for the group for this first moon, but it seems really and and maybe we'll talk about it more later. But but the call to adventure, even in the sense of a Joseph Campbell sort of sense, seeing the entrance to the cave is is your invitation for your call to adventure. So I felt that I should at least lead you here for a call to that adventure. And the other card I set up in advance because of what this all represents me, even the mountain and everything. Like you know, you're seeing me at the end of one mountain and the beginning of a new mountain, right? Sort of oil boros, but but really, this is this is my boon. I I honestly didn't know if I was going to get here, but here we are. I have the deck. I have the box. I have the book, and and I'm just feeling very, very grateful. And I received a lot of healing in the process of writing, creating, translating, communicating, co-creating, and and actually this podcast came with it for that journey too. I mean, it's again the the shadow spaces where we do the deepest transformations and healing-it's not something you can see as clearly. You can maybe see where I was, like maybe like I don't know if you knew me like 10 years ago. You can maybe see through the journey of time, or even a few years ago, or or hopefully through this podcast, like where where whatever I said in the beginning of the first episode, which I should probably revisit and integrate, versus where I am right now in this moment. I'd already created several personal decks that I just use at home, and I'd felt a calling for many years to create a deck. And and yes, I I feel like I am personally spirit led, and I a lot of my choices that I make are things that feel in alignment or not. Not everyone has that particular calling, but for me, that's brought me into greater alignment. It's also led to greater adventure and more crazier outcomes than I ever thought I would be doing. I'm actually in many ways grateful. I I didn't know. Same thing goes with Epic. Epic has has changed and and has transformed, but it's been so beautiful of an adventure. I'm so so grateful and or like having kids or or and then or getting married and then getting divorced, right? And being consciously single-I don't know. There's probably a good name for it, but although I feel like that's about to change too. And even now in this moment, as you've enjoyed, hopefully my meandering in this little.

Dr. Sandra Dreisbach  39:59  
Episode where I talk about the cards and my journey and this moment for me and sharing that with all of you because I see you as my you know brothers and sisters in this adventure, this life, this beautiful, beautiful Life together-that you can see that these things are possible. That I'm literally hearing John Lennon's song. Imagine, you know, you may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. Maybe one day you'll join us, and the world will let us win. Um, we need our dreamers. Um, so if you're dreamer and and you're you're crazy like me, in a good way, um, join me. Um, I feel like this is this is going to need all of us, and if you hear this call to adventure, and this resonates with you at all, as we say, and we do readings, take what resonates and and leave the rest. I invite you to, you know, try try the cards, you know, even just get the images or look at them online. Look at the the Dancing at the Edge of the Darkness digital book, you know, because you can see the images and things like that there, or whoever calls to you, and and let's encourage each other towards greater conscious integrity, towards greater joy and alignment and fulfillment, and this higher ascension. And so we can really create the world within, so that it also is outside of us as well. The world outside of us comes along for the ride. Don't let it distract you. There is definitely great love for you here, and in every moment. So thank you for listening. Thank you for joining me on this particular part of my journey, and I'll now do more. I'll commit to doing more to, you know, share readings. I'll I'll start doing. I mean, I don't want to call them shadow card readings, but it's more. It's like it's alignment. You know, it's conscious integrity alignment. I'm thinking of relaunching the Kickstarter just to help bring and find the others who want to create this in the world, and and create more of these pieces and support people and empower people and find a way to to give to more. But even if you don't do any of that, thank you for taking the time for yourself to find your inner source on this podcast. Much love until next time. Thanks for being here with me today. If this resonated with you, subscribe wherever you listen and share it with someone else on their journey. And if you're ready to go deeper, take the free inner source assessment at innersourcepodcast.com. It'll help you discover exactly what kind of inner work you need right now and where to start. Until next time, remember that everything you're searching for is already within you.